If we're going to talk about the different creatures of these lands we must first know about the land itself: The Badlands.

The Inhabitants of the Badlands are a strange and fascinating lot, some are fast and some are slow. Some are territorial and some are passive. But they all have one thing in common... they all want the glory of collecting Unusual Hats!


Even though the Badlands is usually a barren and rocky landscape, every halloween the evil, undead wizard Merasmus appears to torment the populace of the Badlands (With an army of ghosts and demons).


Still photo of Merasmus.



A long time ago though, the wildlife of the Badlands looked more like this - no hats, no unlocks, just fighting and capturing objectives. Their lives consisted of nothing else! After the "Free to Play" update, however, the world of the Badlands became a whole lot more interesting!


Luckily, not all the inhabitats are hostile and power hungry. Some of the creatures have evolved to only use their weapons in self defense, and instead help passively (and in some cases befriend the enemy team).


Some of the mercenaries relaxing.

Before we talk about the creatures of the Badlands, I want to get something out of the way first.

The Badlands is so large and vast that there are bound to be some diseases native to the area, so I have taken notes about all the known viruses and plagues in the Badlands for you all. Be warned, these plagues cause massive changes to the minds of the inhabitants! If you encounter one of the infected, stay away from them as to not contract the disease.

Conga-itis


Ever since the Conga Taunt was added to the game, the populace of the Badlands has been infected with this odd disease. Conga-itis forces its host to dance uncontrollably, and as the infected dance around the map, those they pass will be infected as well! Steer clear of them as to not be turned into a mindless, dancing mess!


The Edge Disease


As you can see from the picture, the Edge Disease is incredibly destructive to the host body. This disease causes the player in question to have an unquenchable thirst for blood. They change their names to something beginning and ending with "Xx" and having many random numbers attached. Luckily, the disease isn't contageous. Either you start the game edgy, or you don't.


Troll-itis


This virus has just cropped up recently and it is by far the WORST virus on the list! Troll-itis causes the infected to transform into what else but a Troll. They lose all emotions except for hatred, and instead of feeding on meat or plants, they feed on the misery of others. Many servers have been fully infected by this disease and it's only getting worse. Steer clear of these players or risk turning into a Troll yourself!

All creatures in the group known as the Pootis family can be called Heavies, but these Heavies are the only ones that have evolved to be almost completely passive.

The Hoovy


The first of the Pootis family is the simple Hoovy. Hoovies are almost completely friendly, having no real alliance to either team. Instead of fighting they give out Sandviches to players of both teams (Although some will not give up their Sandvich until the other player high-fives them).


The Dalokohs Hoovy


A rarer species of Hoovy, this creature uses the Dalokohs Bar instead of the Sandvich. This gives them a little bit more survivability when they eat the chocolate (As it inceases their health). But as I said this species is rarer than the typical Hoovy because not as many players use the chocolate. If you ever encounter this Hoovy, send me a photograph of it.


The Buffalo Hoovy


This species is one of the most rare of the Pootis Family, as they use the "Buffalo Steak Sandvich" (BSS). Because of this fact less Heavies evolve into this species, but when they do they are a force to be reckoned with. Don't be deterred from interacting with this creature, they are still Hoovies, they are just better at defending themselves.


The Pootis Bird


The rarest species of Hoovy, Pootis Birds are normal Hoovies that have somehow evolved into an avian creature. However when they are found they are a wonder to behold, using all the of the other food items as well as the Sandvich. If you ever encounter a Pootis Bird, protect it with your life.


The Conspiracy Heavy


Although not really a Hoovy, this species of Pootis is 100% convinced of the existence of Extraterrestrials; Aliens. No one knows why they're are born like this, but one thing is for sure: They always appear in maps where UFOs have been sighted. Coincidence? I think not!


A quick note, Hoovies all love Dispensers to have Pootis Picnics around. So if you are an Engineer, place a Dispenser down for the Hoovies to enjoy.


A Pootis Picnic in Action

Even if the Badlands is barren, there are still some places where water can be found. Since water is such a valuable resource some creatures have evolved to live amongst it. These are those creatures.

The 2Fort Pyroshark


The most common species of Pyroshark, this creature uses the Neon Annihilator to cause maximum damage in the water. They live in warm waters of the map 2Fort, waiting for their pray. The Pyroshark's favorite food is the Shpee (We'll get to them later).


The Sawmill Pyroshark


This creature is a wonder to watch indeed. Unlike it's larger 2Fort cousin, the Sawmill Pyroshark is evolved to hide in the waterfall. This means it is smaller, but also smarter! Because their home is so close to a health pack, other species crawl right into the Pyrosharks trap. Attacking with ferocity, the Shark tears through it's pray. After the pray is consumed, the Pyroshark retreats back to its cool waterfall to digest.


The Lakeside Pyroshark


This species of Pyroshark lives in the small pool of the map Lakeside. This is, however, the reason this species is endangered. With such a small home area they are easily killed by Spies and Snipers. If you see one of these rare creatures, photograph it and research further.


The Well Pyroshark


This Pyroshark has long gone extinct. Although there have been some reported sightings, they arn't from very reliable sources. The main reasons this Pyroshark has gone extinct is because of it's home location. Well isn't a very good map, so players arn't very common, which means no food for the creature. Another suspected reason for their disappearance is that the water is layed out so poorly that the Sharks just couldn't navigate their way around the map. No matter what reason, this Pyroshark is no more.


The Spycrab


This highly endangered species is probably the most recognizable creature of the Badlands. The Spycrab is semi-aquatic, alowing them to both walk on land and swim in the water. Unfortunately the Spycrab has evolved to always look up, making it very hard for them to defend themselves. Because of this they are almost always attacked by Free-to-Plays and Tryhards. Make an effort to protect Spycrabs if you ever see them.


The Alien Spycrab


Through some kind of scientific mutation, these Spycrabs have changed to look like gray aliens. Some theorists have speculated that real aliens have genetically altered normal Spycrabs to carry their DNA, although this is still being debated by scientists.



The Great Spycrab Migration

Before they grow into the fearsome beasts that we know today, every player of TF2 has begun as a Free to Play (F2P). F2Ps can be characterized by their crude combat style and tendency to wear achievement/promo hats. Here are the documented species of F2P that can be found.

Gibus Sniper


One of the most common species in the Badlands, the Gibus Sniper thinks it is a 100% expert player even though its only experience with a sniper rifle is in the game "Call of Duty". Because of this the Gibus Sniper will often rage about how other players are better than them, calling them hackers out of anger. If you encounter this strange creature, stay away from it, they have no sense of emotion other than one primal instinct: to kill everything that moves.


W+M1 Pyros


The W+M1 Pyro is a menace on the battlefield, for better or for worse. Their name comes from the fact that they rush into battle mindlessly, holding down the W & M1 keys. Because of their lack of strategy many of them die within their first days of life. If you ever see a Pyro using the Phlogistinator look to see if they are using their other weapons. If they are not they are W+M1 Pyros.


Gibus Engineer


Unlike their more experienced counterparts who can set up a variety of buildings in strategic areas of the map, the Gibus Engineer will set up its buildings as closley as possible to another Engineer's nest. Plus the fact that most Gibus Engies only know how to build the Sentry gun, you will usually find huge clumps of Sentries making them prime targets for Spies and Demos. Luckily there is a group dedicated to protecting these poor young creatures: G.E.W.P Official! Go check them out if you want to help the Gibus Engies survive.


The Scoot


This species of Scout is very poor at combat. They often try to use the Scattergun, a close range weapon, to attack enemies from very far away. This makes them easy targets for predators. If you find one of them on your team, follow them and see what they do.

Tryhards are players who have transformed into terrifyingly powerful predators. They are characterized by their overwhelming desire to win every game they play, even if the server is not meant to be played like normal (Like trade servers). They eat every part of their prey right down to the bones! Here is a list of known types of Tryhards.

MLG Sniper


One of the most feared Tryhards in the Badlands, the MLG Sniper has skills not matched by most. The way they get this good at aiming is through many hours of hard work and practice. If you see Snipers with expensive Rifle reskins and Unusual Hats, it probably means they are an MLG Sniper. Stay away from them at all times!


The Anti-Fungineer


A tryhard through & through, the Anti-Fungineer uses the easily replaceable Gunslinger Mini-sentries. If you're not that good at the game yet, keep your distance from this creature, because they will kill you and feast on your bones.


D.I.C.S.


Dapper, Intelligent and Cool Scouts (D.I.C.S.) are cruel creatures, attacking everyone they come across. Usually wearing pink cosmetics, they are dedicated to capturing points and pushing carts. Even if you are friendly they will kill you, so be prepared to defend yourself.


Pocket Medic


Pocket Medics have a very backwards philosophy: Heal only Heavies, Soldiers and Demomen. Because of this they will not heal any other player even if they are right next to them! Scientists have theorized that the reason Pocket Medics cling to a single heal target is because they are attracted to particularly expensive hats, but no one knows for sure.


Rage Heavies


Rage Heavies are an evolved species of Hoovy. Once a Hoovy is killed there is a chance they will become filled with all encompassing rage toward the enemy who killed them. This will lead them to killing anyone or anything to get revenge on the player who killed them in the first place. Just stay out of there way and you'll be fine.


Infiltrator Engineer


Using the Eureka Effect, the Infiltrator Engineer will set up a Teleporter Exit with no entrance behind enemy lines. Without an entrance the teleporter will not glow or make noise, so they're more discrete. The Engie will place the Teleporter in a hard to reach/unused spot on the map to make sure the enemy can't find it. With the Eureka Effect in hand they will teleport in and out of the enemy backlines to cause trouble and be a distraction. If you see an Infiltrator Engineer, do not let them set up their Teleporter or your team will not be able to focus.


Demoknights


One of the most terrifying species in the Badlands, the Demoknight uses a variety of swords, shields and boots to give themselves powerful combat perks. At close range they are incredibly dangerous, but at long ranges they are pretty much harmless... unless they charge at you!



Tryhards doing what they do best.

The most feared and annoying creatures in the Badlands, Trolls don't eat meat or plants but instead feed on the misery of others. WARNING: These creatures are quite disgusting to look apon, Viewer Discretion is Advised.

Spammer


This creature has no one, true form. The only thing we have is the Spammer's behavior. They repeat a certain phrase or advertisement for hacks in the chat box, something like this:
Get gud get LMAO hax
Get gud get LMAO hax
Get gud get LMAO hax...
and so it continues on and on until somebody leaves the server. Either kick them from the server or ignor them and don't use chat.


Cyber-Bully Spammer


These beasts can be found on basically any server or map. Their main way of Trolling is calling everyone names (Racist, Sexist etc.) making them one of the most loathed beings in the Badlands. The best way to handle them is to just mute or ignore them.


Unbind All Trolls


When these Trolls appear they see who is and is not a Free to Play. Once they find their target, they tell the person that if they type "unbindall" into their consol they will get free items. This is a lie as "unbindall" does exactly that, Unbinding All Keys! This will lead to the poor F2P not being able to play! If you encounter this monster do not trust them, and tell their victim the truth before it's too late!


Spawncampers


A particular species of Troll, the Spawncamper will kill everyone before they can even get out of their Spawn. For this reason they are one of the most hated creatures in the game. Usually coming in the form of Sticky Spammers, Spawncampers will never allow enemy players to have fun. If you ever find yourself trapped in Spawn do one of 3 things: Leave the server, build an Uber to break out or just party in Spawn.


Hackers


There is nothing to say about these guys. They hack to see through walls, see cloaked/disguised Spies and always hit their shots. The only way to counter them is to leave the server or kick them. If your ambitious you can try to kill them, but it's almost always a suicide mission.

Well we've come very far, but now it is time to see the last few creatures of the Badlands. Let us finish this guide with the best, worst and most annoying.

The Box Spy


Not nearly as rare as the Spycrab, the Box Spy is docile, but it will often hide just next to objectives to stop the enemy team from capturing the point. This makes it a surprisingly powerful ally even though it doesn't use conventional fighting styles. A word of caution, the Box Spy is still a rare species and if you kill it, it won't be as forgiving as the Spycrab.


Rancho Relaxo Engineers


Almost never leaving the comfort of their chair, the Rancho Relaxo Engineer (Or just Fatty as I call it) is incredibly calm, that is if they're left alone. They live for the little things in life, such as a cold drink and a relaxing view. Some of the most abitious Fatties have become EXTREME Rancho Relaxo Engineers. They will Sentry-jump to areas that others cannot and set up their chairs in those spots. Just observe them and they will... do nothing.


Trolldiers


These highly evolved Soldiers use the Rocker Jumper, Mantreads and Market Gardener to be a super-fast crit factory. They are not very dangerous when they're young, but grow up to be highly lethal. Always look to the skies when you find out a Trolldier is on your server, or they will kill you easily.


Demopan


Demopans will use nothing but the Frying Pan as a weapon, which means they are almost useless in combat. They are always out for their own kills and they fail miserably. If you encounter this species just keep a safe distance and the beast won't be able to survive... most of the time.


Fat Scout


A species of Hoovy that has evolved to be hostile once again, the Fat Scout is a Heavy that uses the shotgun or Family Business to kill their foes. They also use the Gloves of Running Urgently to get a boost of speed. The reason for this is that the Heavy wholly believes it is a Scout and will not use it's minigun at any cost! If you see one on your team, heal it as a Medic, but if you see one on the enemy team... run away.


Squeakers


Probably the most annoying species in the Badlands, Squeakers are children with horrible mics. When they talk it is physically painful because of the insane volume. Much like Cyber-bullies you can just mute them, but they can often be very offensive for no reason (Even though they're just children who's parents should fix this). They are annoying, but they arn't the biggest problem in the game since they can just be muted.


Admin Abusers


These creatures are the most powerful and dengerous in all of the Badlands: The Admin Abuser! These beasts have evolved horrifying powers, including but not limited to: Altering the map's terrain, spawning in props and/or bosses, mutating themselves and other players and upgrading their own base stats. These powers only work on the Admin's own server, but once you are playing on their server you are at their mercy! If you encounter an Admin Abuser do one of two things; Leave or hide.

Well, I hope this guide helped you learn plenty about the inhabitants of this mysterious landscape.


Sincerely yours,

TytoT2000.

P.S.

If you're looking for another good guide about TF2 wildlife than check out this guide made by my friend, Silent Sword: http://gtm.steamproxy.vip/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=696927571